Dating to DTR's

As a teenager in High School I was often quite confused at the culture of relationships. It seemed that boy liked girl, girl liked boy back, within a few days an exclusive relationship was formed and wouldn't give a single thought to dating anyone else. Admittedly, I had a few of these relationships myself. So called "dating" was known as "hanging out", rarely did these relationships go on formal dates, even today I'm finding it hard to break the habit of "hanging out" especially when you form a relationship most couples treat going on dates as a waste of time and money.

We need a fresh generation who takes dating seriously and puts off forming exclusive relationships until you've had the opportunity to go on multiple dates to figure out what you like and what you don't like. I hate saying this, but it's intelligent to dissect qualities and traits of those you formally date. No, this is not considered "judging" this allows you to understand yourself and your needs in a future companion.

Something that was brought up a lot in my last relationship was the importance of understanding each other's love languages, both recognizing what you tend to give and what you appreciate receiving. The five love languages include receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion), and physical touch.

Take a good minute to pause and think about the top two love languages that you appreciate receiving, and then take another minute to think about the top two love languages that you tend to give in a relationship. Our expectations in a relationship normally comes by the fulfillment of our love language needs.

I'm not gonna lie, I recognize that I can be hard to date as I realize that I tend to exert all 5 love languages pretty equally. This can make the person that I'm in a relationship feel either inadequate or put a self persona that I'm "high maintenance" when in reality there's a little truth to that although I hate the thought of putting expectations on another person. I believe you should accept them all for who they are and love them with all you've got.

Going on multiple dates gives you the opportunity to recognize which love languages a person may distribute and if they fulfill your inner needs and vise versa.

Another extremely important part of a relationship is your physical attraction. You may be warned that it's also important to recognize if your attraction could potentially be something called Misattribution of Arousal which means that your physical attraction could potentially be the only source of connection. Be smart and evaluate the reasonings you are attracted to an individual. Sadly, i've been involved in relationships where the other person just purely liked me off of my physical attraction and disregarded my personality. In the end, the feeling of only being physically attractive to a persona almost in a way made me feel worthless as if I had nothing else to offer but my good looks.

On the other hand, if you're not physically attracted to the person you're dating that can be troublesome concerning your physical affection in the long-run. As my uncle put it, "Look, all I can say is does he curl your toes. Everything else can be great but if you don't want to jump on top of him and pump till you scream, then maybe they're not the one. That's important because if you have to force yourself to be affectionate then in time it will die and your marriage will slowly become sexless." So point is, is your relationship only attraction or not enough? There's got to be a balance to personality attraction and physical attraction.

In conclusion, I'm a firm believer with all my heart that communication is key in a relationship. How does your partner communicate through his/her love languages? How does your significant other communicate his/her attraction? I believe every girl wants to feel like the most beautiful woman her partner has ever seen. If you're not in a current relationship, please do society a favor and press the notion and importance of going on planned dates. You can tell a lot about a person who takes time and thought in considering what activities to do for a date. Not every date needs to be formal but if you want to make someone feel worth-wild I personally found the dates that made me feel on top of the world was when you could tell a lot of thought went into making me feel special and unique on our date.

Ladies, get out there and don't be afraid to take the initiative to ask a guy/girl on the date. That will give the indication of your confidence and nothing is more attractive than a women who is confident in herself.

Lastly, you can't love another until you learn to love yourself and be comfortable with who you are. If you struggle with your self worth, please remember that YOU are beautiful and worth of love. It's not about finding self love through someone else, but about creating your own self love. 

Gender is Essential

Early January of this year there was a razor ad created by Gillette that screamed controversy. If you haven't seen We Believe: The Best Men Can Be, I posted the link at the bottom. Essentially this advertisement depicted the negative roles that men in our society are playing today contrasting against Gillette's vision of how men should manner themselves. The commercial called on men to embrace a new kind of masculinity, a message well received by many but seen as an unnecessary scolding by others. As a public relations major, I take interest in dissecting advertisements and a companies public image. Gillette's audience at interest for product consumption are perspectively men and used their gender roles in hopes to not only promote their product but also promote values within our societies.

I personally commend Gillette for their courage and the risk taken to acknowledge particular behavior changes that can impact our societies is a brighter light.

So what does any of this have to do with families or you and me? Gender is pivotal in understanding our identity. As gender has been the main controversial subject that has changed just about the lives of everyone wether you have personally been effected by it or not. This controversial topic has been in the mouths of law-makers for quite some time as some states have actually made it possible for parents of newborns to put gender-neutral on their child's birth certificate. What are your thoughts on this? While pondering about this, the gender presented on their birth certificate from that day forward until the child themselves has opportunities to change it legally has the identification of either male or female. If my child for instance was born female and therefore I put "female" on their birth certificate, later on in life if she felt she identified better as a male and wanted to make that change, it's possible that she could be upset with me as her/his parent for identifying her/him as a particular gender when I was given the option of selecting gender neutral. This therefore can spark attitudes of parental expectations in the child's eyes and put strains on that relationship.

With the multiple changes that spark from this controversial topic, I think it's worry some that gender here in the near future will mean absolutely nothing at all. Soon there will be no gender on birth certificates or separate restrooms designated for men and women. This is scary in the sense that our gender defines some pretty specific roles, especially concerning families.

I am not against same sex families, in fact I've met some pretty amazing people who have a wonderful life and family with their significant other. I think that marriage is special with whomever you want it to be special with. As a woman, I personally am attracted to males and have always been a bit "boy crazy" as my mother likes to put it. I don't necessarily struggle with same-sex attraction although I have thought some girls are attractive. I have friends who have and act on those feelings while I also have friends who have and choose not to act on those feelings, yet I love them all as individuals. I personally think there are many benefits to having a typical nuclear family with a mother and father. I believe that women naturally have a natural nurturing given gift to them that paired with a masculine, providing male it creates unity within a family bond like no other.

With gender comes natural qualities and responsibilities, yet society in this day and age seems to be pushing for equality in just about anything. Well, when males are able to give birth, please let me know.

What gender responsibilities do you agree or disagree with and why? What would or have you put down on your children's or future children's birth certificate and why? I want to hear from YOU!

We Believe: The Best Men Can Be
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koPmuEyP3a0

Family Culture, Natively Speaking

As a 5 year old in Kindergarten, I was pulled aside in class and taken to the principles office to meet in a conference room with a few selection of other elementary school children ranging from grades kindergarten through sixth. Throughout my whole grade school career, even up till graduation of High School, I was consistently pulled aside of my regular education for about an hour to meet with a Native American instructor and about 10 other native students max in every grade school I attended, Elementary, Middle, and High School on a monthly basis. While attending Edgewood Elementary in Brooklyn Park, Minnesota our monthly discussions during this hourly block would be for the benefit of educating us on our Native American culture and history. We learned many stories about our ancestors before us, and the many traditions they had. We made dream catchers, and made jewelry alike our ancestors did. It was one of the most enjoyable times of my childhood, as I felt a closeness to my culture that has been stripped away from me throughout my life. 

As I transitioned into middle and high school, our Native American meetings transitioned into academic preparation for graduation and higher education. In fact, did you know that only 65% of Native American students graduate with a High School diploma? This ethnicity group is among one of the lowest cultures to aspire increasing opportunities through achieving higher education. 

Is it possible that there's a correlation between specific ethnic groups and educational performance due to cultural family circumstances at home? I think yes! In an educational society in which we strive to fit our students into the same educational/learning molds as the rest of the class, it's difficult to step back and understand that there are other factors in home-life that contribute to how a student learns and preforms in a school setting. 

For instance, about 85% of immigrant families migrate to America in search for educational advancement and job opportunities for their family and future generations to come. Little do we consider the many struggles and trials that a child of an immigrant family may face aside from being surrounded in a strange, new school. Not only are these newly American students thrown into a new schooling system, they are also most likely learning English for their first time, learning the different mannerisms and changing their clothing attire that they are so familiar with. Culture within family can determine age a child might need to start working to help provide basic needs such as food and water for their family. Not only can responsibilities change for immigrant children, their mental state is also taking a toll with a variety of feelings they can perceive from being rather forced to follow their families plan of making the move to America. 

During my teenage years, I was one of fifteen students chosen to represent Blaine High School out of three-thousand other students to participate in a experiment called the New Wilderness Project. New Wilderness Project offers a platform to pinpoint and address locally relevant social and environmental issues that fosters human dignity, leadership, cultural competence and stewardship through an art-centered approach of creative thought, creative collaboration and action. As a member we were categorized as Diverse Leaders within our school community. I wanted to support cultural acceptance within our schools and communities. All five schools within the Anoka Hennepin School District collaborated together four times a year to communicate as one body of students concerning social, equality, and justice issues faced in our schools. Our purpose was to create an open space where students could grow a connection through personal stories, cultural expression, and ignite creative thinking and spirit. Our goal from these meetings was to take this open space back into our schools to cultivate an atmosphere of acceptance and love through our melting pot of cultures. Videos/short clips of our activity/discussions from these meetings have been recorded for learning purposes to be shown as an example for schools nationwide.

After high school, our total group of seventy-five students who originally participated in the collaborative discussions/activities decreased dramatically to only seven of us remaining who had a continual desire to make a change within our community, renaming ourselves to Social Justice Change Agents. Traveling from different schools and racial communities, presenting our inspired and creative messages of social justice became a huge hit world-wide such as making news on The Daily Planet and conducting interviews for the Minnesota Spokesman Recorder. Our biggest performance took to the highest level at the Minnesota Minority Education Partnership Conference speaking to thousands of educators across the region participating in this conference including the Minneapolis Mayor.

Participating in this movement has inspired me to be the change within the communities I live in. Being part of this life-changing project has allowed me to grow a broader range of diverse perspective. It has shaped me into a leader of love and benevolence.

In what ways does/has culture influence you or those around you as a student?

Trillions of Titles

One of my favorite jobs I've ever had was being a daycare teacher. I came to understand that the word “teacher” is too broad of a title; simply one cannot be a teacher without also being a counselor/psychologist, psychic, police officer, detective, personal nurse, custodian, comedian, and my favorite of all.. librarian (that is when the kids are the quietest). At our daycare we had something called D.E.A.R (Drop Everything And Read) time where the students are to silently read a book for 30 minutes while the “teacher” turns into a custodian -cleaning up spilt milk, lunch crumbs, and other tasks around the classroom. Let's just say this job kept you on your toes!

Similarly, our mothers also hold various titles, doing all they can to love and support their nest. I was reminded of an incredible video that was posted on youtube in May of 2014, which a few men created a fake job then posted it online and in the newspapers. They got many responses and then held actual interviews and the responses of the job candidates were priceless. If you haven't seen this video, please give it a watch. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWcJZ210AaM

Truth is we all hold numerous titles as individuals that describes who we are. These multiple titles also contribute to roles within our families. These roles might sometimes come through a collection of behaviors, attitudes, and responsibilities. For example, most oldest siblings (alike myself) grow up taking on higher responsibilities when both parents aren't around. They become the temporary caretakers. Multiple studies were preformed in the past 20 years concerning the typical social roles within the birth order of children. Stereotypically, the firstborn child tends to be competitive and bossy, while the youngest child seems to be more creative and attention-seeking. One of the most interesting fact I've read repetitively concerning the middle child is that they mostly act as the peacemakers within the family and very loyal. Are these stereotypical roles true for your family?

Family roles also shape how we interact with each other in our family systems. Understanding these main family roles can help us grow meaningful and safe relationships with each of our family members. Some main family roles may consist of a hero, rescuer, mediator, scapegoat, switchboard, power broker, lost child, clown, cheerleader, nurturer, thinker, truth teller, and more. What roles do you recognize in your family already and which roles would you like to see more of?

Within my own family, I was often made out to be the scapegoat/black sheep. Each family is their own system, and is made up of many smaller systems called sub-systems. Usually the executive system are the parents (mom and dad), while the sub-systems are examples of father/son, mother/daughter, sibling favoritism, etc. Being the co-parent when the executive sub-system (mom and dad) weren't around often made me the middle man between my two youngest brothers in their own sub-system and my parent's in their executive sub-system. I often felt confused as to where I fit in and when to play the role of parent and when to back off. Fingers seemed to always be pointing in my direction but in a sense, I'm grateful for the experience to be raised in the imperfect home I was in, and learn from being the oldest sibling.

What family systems are you able to recognize and do they possibly have any connection to their family role? Maybe it's the order of birth that has effected the roles in your own family? I would love to hear from YOU and what makes your family so unique. Please feel free to share your family stories.