Perfect Parenting

Ever since I was a little girl, I have always been curious and mindful of how one parents their child(ren). I was born into a home where my father took an authoritarian parenting style which is defined as favoring or enforcing strict obedience to authority. I think being surrounded in law enforcement naturally made him more prone to assuring demands and discipline than what was needed in our home. Although I can understand and view partial perspective of the background of my father's parenting, there is still no excuse for the excessive manipulation and cruel abuse that took place under our roof.

On the other hand, before the divorce my mother was a relaxed ruler. I can only assume because my father was so aggressive and manipulative that my mother parented more on the sidelines. It could have also been that she felt threatened often by my father as well, feeling the pressure of living up to his expectations.

Authoritarian parenting is completely different from authoritative parenting which is defined as parents who are responsive to the child's emotional needs while having high standards. They set limits and are very consistent in enforcing boundaries. This particular style of parenting is highly effective in providing the best successful outcome for their children. It is found to be produce the best outcomes for emotional health, social skills, more resiliency, and secure attachments with their parents.

This parenting style reminds me of a childhood development activity we did in high school. I remember walking into class with a marshmallow, popsicle stick, and a fuzzy pipe-cleaner on my table. We discussed how there are mainly three parenting style; the marshmallow represents parents who allow their kids to rule their own lives, the popsicle stick representing parents who control the lives of their children, and the pipe-cleaner as you could guess being the middle man of both extreme parenting styles. The pipe-cleaner has the ability to bend, yet is sturdy and stable enough. We were taught that our parenting styles should be more like the pipe-cleaner, setting rules and boundaries for our kids but also allowing them to be part of that decision making process, especially when it comes to punishments. I think it's great if a child can best understand why punishments and consequences are put into practice when we disobey so they grasp the concept that my parents aren't punishing me, it's a natural consequence to when I disobey or make a bad decision.

Michael Hopkins said "The purposes of parenting are to protect and prepare your children to survive and thrive in the world we live in." My question for you is how is your parenting style protecting and preparing your children to leave the nest one day? Every parent I've met has exclaimed that their children grew up way too fast, and so it's important to recognize that the time we have with our children is valuable. The lessons we teach them, by our examples, love and security are valuable in the development of our children, to prepare them for success. Parents please understand that your actions and examples are engraved in your child's mind 10 times more than any lesson you try to verbally communicate. Memories are burned into our minds by the use of all 5 senses, not just one (listening).

Lastly, I would like to share with you the joys I had being a universal pre-kindergarten teacher. I absolutely adored the children no matter which moods they walked into our classroom with. Our kids are precious and their brains are sponges, soaking in as much information as they can. Parents, I understand the need for daycare. I get that there are many single parents who can't attend to their children as often as they would like and are forced to put their children into daycare facilities. The teachers at daycares do their absolute best to teach mainstream successful habit that your children can grow and take home with them. We do our jobs with an outreach of love for your child when you drop them off at daycare, however please know that it is extremely important that you still parent and strive to spend as much time with your children as possible. Parenting can't and should never be replaced by others.

We can never hold the title of perfect parent, but let us always be mindful of the best interest in fulfilling our children's needs while teaching and preparing them to thrive in today's world.